HEY! Mad About It >:(

Weights This Week:

Monday: Cals Eaten +379 Cals Burned: -1724 Total= -1354 Weight: 134
Tuesday: Cals Eaten: +1687.5 Cals Burned: -1900 Total= -212.5 Weight: 128.5
Wednesday: Cals Eaten:+2135 (OMG Horrible!) Cals Burned: -2825 Total= -690
Thursday: Cals Eaten: +2679 (EVEN WORSE!!!) Cals Burned: -2871 Total= -192 Weight:132
Friday: Cals Eaten: +120 so far...

I am so goddamn mad! I haven't had ANY surplus calories all week, not since Monday. Truth be told... I hadn't realized I have eaten in excess of 2,000 two days in a row. I am worthless! I told myself over and over, "No more than 700 calories a day all this week" because I had surplus calories last weekend. To top it all off I have been supe super fatigued today. More than three times I've thought about going home sick because I feel so miserable. I was thinking I was really feeling that weak tiredness from not eating but clearly, that can't be the case because I have been eating!

I almost have no food of my own, and I like that because if I don't own any food I can't eat any food. That was working for a really long time but I started to feel bad nibbling on my roommate's food all the time, so I bought some. AND NOW I CAN'T STOP EATING IT ALL!

This is the worst day ever. When I get home I have to go to Target AND I have to go to a party. Two things I definitely do not want to do today at all. I have to go to Target to buy a present for the party I don't want to go to. While I'm there I'll also be buying toilet paper. Fuck fuck fuck... I wish I had a will of iron. Then I could do what I have been telling myself to do for forever and just stop eating.

I still have a couple of hours left here and I can't focus on anything. I'm trying to write up lesson plans etc. but my brain is off. Well, I'll try on clothes at Target. Maybe that will stop me from myself.