Chew and Spit

I don't have my food diary. I forgot it. When I was walking to the bus I knew I forgot it but I was late and high and thought it would be alright if I left it and waiting to fill it out until I got home later. Not the case. I want it now. I want to know EXACTLY how I've been doing this week.

I've been chewing and spitting. Only bread. I love love love the taste and to chew on crusty bread. But its so full of calories! So I'll chew it and spit it out.

I had another date with P___ last night. He cooked me dinner. I hid it in my napkin. I mushed up all the food and spread it around the plate. I drank an entire bottle of wine. But I ate some. I think no more than 500 calories. But then the wine and the coffee that morning.

Just a bit over 1,000 calories for yesterday but I also did not exercise at all. Fuck! Plus a spoon of ice cream... 100 calories? 60? I swear, everyone in the world wants to feed me shit. My roommate has some sort of crazy peanut butter rice krispy treat things that she keeps pushing on me. Last night P___ got out ice cream for dessert. Today there are cupcakes and brownies at work. When I got my coffee this morning the clerk asked me, "Do you want anything to eat?"

No.

Nothing. Ever.

I like that I feel I can control men with my body. Now that I've lost weight I can tell how much they treat me differently. They only ever want one thing anyway.